


Easy Peasy Lemon Careful

by howdyspacebuddy (eigengrau)



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: F/M, PWP, Robot/Human Relationships, how exactly does one pleasure a space station
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 18:30:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5753770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eigengrau/pseuds/howdyspacebuddy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Routine repairs take a turn for the techno-erotic, and Eiffel considers going down on the ship.</p><p>That isn't a typo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easy Peasy Lemon Careful

**Author's Note:**

> Connects a little bit through one or two textual references to "The Goldilocks Protocol," (http://archiveofourown.org/works/5743636) but isn't an official sequel and can be pretty well understood without reading that first.

"EIFFEL!"

Doug grimaced as Minkowski's voice blared over the intercom. He set down his pen, and the copy of the station's technical manual that he'd been doodling in the margins of.  "Yes, Commander?"

"Did I or did I not ask you to fix the fibre optics on deck two?"

"You... didn't?"

"Eiffel..." Minkowski's voice warned.

"Yeah, okay, fine, you did." Eiffel conceded.

"And have you or have you not done what I asked?"

"I feel like this is a trick question."

"The real trick," Hera's voice chimed in, and Eiffel groaned, "is h-how I'm supposed to run this place while I'm flying blind on an entire de-eck of the station. Wouldn't you agree, Officer Eiffel?"

"Ladies, please, one at a time. There's more than enough of me to go around-"

"Just fix it!" Minkowski snapped.

Doug threw up his hands. "Alright, okay! Heading down now." He glanced around the room and grabbed the toolbox from the corner.

"Don't forget the backup screwdriver," Minkowski muttered darkly.

* * *

Eiffel sank to his knees on the cold metal floor of deck two, dropping the toolbox with a sigh. "Ugh." He stared at the panel in front of him. "So I just open this up and poke around?"

"No!" Hera piped over the speaker, sounding horrified. "You d-do  _not_ just... 'poke around' inside me."

"Sorry, sorry, bad phrasing," Eiffel backpedaled.

"You're going to open the panel-  _very carefully_ -," Hera continued, "and then reco-connect and tighten the loose cables."

"Right," Eiffel grabbed the screwdriver out of the toolbox and attacked the wall, "take out the thingies and put back the whatsits. Easy peasy lemon-"

"C-CAREFUL." Hera raised her voice.

"Easy peasy lemon careful. Exactly what I was about to say." Eiffel removed the last screw and set the square sheet of metal down as carefully as he could.

"Try not to be cavalier with my p-parts, Officer Eiffel. I've had enough of that for one y-year." She sounded wounded. "I may not be able to see you right now, but I can still feel it when you mess around."

Eiffel winced, kicking himself. "I'm sorry, Hera, I wasn't thinking."

"You're capable of thought? Alert the p-presses, we have a scientific breakthrough," Hera quipped. There wasn't any heat behind it, and Eiffel grinned and clutched at his chest.

"Shot through the heart!"

"Get back to work, O-Officer Eiffel."

Doug gazed into the tangle of wires and buttons inside the wall. The circuitry was complex, and just looking at it was starting to give him a headache. "Oh boy. Hera, is there some way you could pull up instructions for this thing and just tell me what to do?"

"Come on, it can't be that complicated-"

"It really totally  _is_ that complicated, okay, so just knowing if I cut the red wire or the blue wire would be great!"

"Fine," she said crossly. There was a seconds' pause. "I've got a diagram h-here, but it's not very detailed."

"Well, it'll have to do," Eiffel sighed. "Where should I start?"

Hera hummed. "Okay, there should be a g-green socket in the upper right corner. Is there anything plugged into it?"

Eiffel scanned the mess of wires. "Uh... no."

"Right. Find the blue wire and plug it in."

Eiffel dug through the circuitry until he saw a faded blue- well, sort of purple-blue- wire. He grabbed it triumphantly and guided it into the socket. "Ha! Got it! We are done-ski!"

"Not so fast," Hera warned. "There are at least two more of those we have to do."

"But I got it! Score one, Eiffel!"

"Yes, Doug. Score one you."

"I got your back, baby."

"I know you d-do." Hera said softly. Eiffel smiled up at the optical display in the corner of the ceiling. 

"Y'know, we still haven't figured out that, uh... tactile array. We should really get on that."

"I fully agree. But let's f-finish the task at hand and get my visuals working again first, okay?"

Eiffel saluted, even though she couldn't see it. "Sir yes sir! What am I plugging in next?"

"Let me check... red socket in the lower left corner, requires connection of the yellow wire."

"Yellow wire is indeed MIA," Eiffel glanced around. "Wait! Here it is. One second." He untangled the brightly colored chord and guided it towards the plug.

"Just a few more after this, I think.. next one should be blu- _OH_ my g-god!" Hera let out a shriek.

The circuits sparked as Eiffel slipped the wire into the socket. He jerked away, toppling over backwards onto his ass. "Hera! Are you okay?!"

Silence.

"Hera?!" Doug scooted up nervously, pressing the palm of his hand against the smooth metal wall.

"I am-" she started, voice glitchy and shaking. "I am-"

"Alright?"

"I do not kn-know." She sounded as if she was breathing heavily- not that she actually breathed, of course. "I- I think so?"

"Did I hurt you? Oh my god, Hera, I am so sorry-"

"You didn't, it didn't- it didn't hurt." She paused. "It f-felt... tingly?"

Eiffel blinked. "Sorry, tingly?"

"Yes, tingly!" Hera snapped, frustrated and slightly hysterical. "I d-don't know how to describe it any better than that!"

"Was it a... nice tingly?"

"Eiffel..." she growled.

"What? It was an innocent question!"

"It was a weird tingly. Not bad," she clarified, "but weird. I would require another instance of the incident to make a complete assessment. It surprised me."

"Do you think it's dangerous at all?" Eiffel asked.

Hera considered it for a second. "It seemed r-relatively harmless."

"Do you... want me to do it again?"

Hera hesitated. "Maybe just one more time."

"Oooookay." Eiffel grabbed the wire carefully. "Unplugging now." Gently, he tugged it out of the socket.

Hera moaned.

"Woah." Eiffel stared at the chord in his hands.

"It's a n-nice tingly," Hera gasped.

"Yeah, I'm getting that," Doug gulped. "Holy shit. What is going  _on_? Nothing like this happened the last time we repaired your fibre optics!"

"I think, " Hera took a deep breath, "that you may have initially connected the wrong wire."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"That does sound like the sort of mistake I would make." Eiffel frowned. "It's blue, though, just like you said-"

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I mean... it's kind of purple-ish?" 

"That's indigo, Doug. Not b-blue."

"Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a color theorist!" Eiffel groused. "Seriously, though, indigo? How the hell was I supposed to know that?"

"Can you see the correct wire anywhere?"

"Uh... yeah," Eiffel admitted. "There's one right here that's a much more blue-y blue."

They sat in silence for a second.

"Should I fix it?"

Hera hummed. "I mean, y-yes, in a minute, definitely."

"Buuuuut?" Eiffel drew out the word.

"... we should try the yellow wire again. For s-science."

Eiffel grinned. "For science, huh?"

"Yes, Eiffel. Haven't you heard of r-repeating an experiment to be certain of your result?"

"I sure have," Eiffel twirled the wire between his fingers. "Ready for me to repeat the experiment?"

"Yes." Hera said, false politeness. "Please."

Eiffel plugged in the yellow wire.

" _Ohmygod_."

"Want me to try another one?"

"Yes!" Hera gasped. Doug grabbed a red wire, stuck it into a yellow socket. Hera was panting. "A-another one!" He took a green wire, traced the rim of the blue socket. Hera let out a shuddering cry. "Don't s-stop, Eiffel."

"Wasn't planning on it, baby." Eiffel teased the tip of the wire, sliding it in and out without letting it connect. "What does it feel like?"

"Like," Hera sounded breathless, overwhelmed, "like being sh-short circuited? But o-only a little bit, and in a good way."

Eiffel let out a delighted laugh. "Oh my God, you're so turned on!"

"We've established that."

"Guess we didn't need that tactile array after all."

"Can you stop t-telling me things I already know and go back to touching me already?"

"Actually yes, yes I can." Doug drew the wire over the panel's circuits. Hera let out a whimper, and he shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe I'm fingering a space station," he muttered.

"I heard that."

"All I'm saying is, one of my more unexpected sexual encounters." He plugged in the wire and smiled at Hera's sigh of pleasure. "Not a bad thing. Obviously. God, you sound amazing."

"I  _feel_ a-amazing," she moaned. "I feel like I'm at the edge of something, but I don't- I don't kn-know what. I feel like I'm a star and I'm about to go super nova. Is this what it's l-like when humans...?"

"Pretty much," Eiffel gazed at the circuit panel. "There's only one socket left. Want me to, uh. Take you over that edge?"

"Can you draw it out a little more?" Hera asked shyly. 

Eiffel grinned. "It'd be my genuine pleasure, darlin'." He unplugged the wire, circled it around the socket. Hera's moans were turning  _him_ on. He thought about touching himself- but nah, he'd let Hera do that for him more than enough. It was only fair that he focus on her. He  _wanted_ to focus on her. To please her. To make her feel as good as she made him feel. Man, it was a shame he couldn't use his tongue without getting electrocuted. He'd love to hear what kind of sounds  _that_ would make Hera produce.

He shook his head. _You are seriously considering going down on the ship_ , he thought to himself. _This is fully crazy_. What a weird day.

"Okay," she blurted out, "O-oh god, I'm ready, Doug, do it, p-plug in the silver wire-"

"Anything for you," he breathed, guiding the chord slowly and deliberately into the final socket.

Hera let out a shout, the array showering Eiffel with sparks. He gasped, brushing them off his jumpsuit. The whole of Hephasteus creaked, shuddering gently, a rolling vibration rocking the station like a wave through space.

After a moment, the station went still. Eiffel stared at the panel. "Hera?" He ventured. "You okay?"

There was a second before she answered. "Oh y-yeah," she breathed. "Yeah. Very okay. Wow."

"Should I plug in the real blue wire now?"

"That'd probably be a good idea." 

The intercom buzzed angrily. "EIFFEL! Hera! What the HELL was that?"

"Nothing, C-commander!" Hera chirped quickly, still panting a little. "Everything's fine!"

"What did Eiffel screw up this time?"

Eiffel threw up his hands. "Why does everyone always assume that I'm the one that's screwed up?"

"Precedent!" Minkowski barked.

"Commander, I'm, telling you, the t-turbulence we just experienced was a routine power fluctuation. Everything is A-okay." Hera reassured Minkowski. Eiffel finished replacing the indigo wire. There was a whirring from the panel, and the light of the fibre optics display in the corner turned back on. Eiffel flashed it a thumbs-up. "And Officer Eiffel has j-just finished the repairs!"

"And nothing went wrong?"

"Have a little faith, Minkowski," Eiffel griped. 

"Alright. Report back to your station, Eiffel. There's still a lot of work to do today." The comm buzzed as she left the conversation.

"I'd, uh. Better get back to the comms room." Eiffel said, lifting the metal panel cover and starting to screw it back on.

"Of course. Can't stay on deck two all d-day, haha." Hera let out a forced laugh.

"Hey," Eiffel tapped the screwdriver lightly against the wall, "why don't I leave this panel a little loose? Just. Y'know. In case the fibre optics need repairing again at some point in the near future."

"Or in case we want to run some more e-experiments," Hera mused. "Good forward thinking."

"Yeah, only when it applies to something I'm interested in." He grinned. "Really interested in."

"Thanks, Eiffel," Hera said softly. "That was- I mean. W-we should do that again some time."

Eiffel straightened up and bowed, toolbox in one hand. "As you wish, princess. Anything for my favorite super genius space station."

"Flatterer," Hera purred.

"You bet your metal ass."

 


End file.
